The quote-of-the-day tradition was abandoned for 2011, and came back in 2012 in modified form. I'm not quite so diligent about getting a quote every day as I once was, but occasionally I have some pretty good runs. I'm also not including names anymore, as there have been some privacy concerns over the years. I happen to think the quotes are much funnier when you know who said them, so if you'd like to claim credit for one, let me know and I'll add it in. :-) Here are the quotes I collected this year:
January:
"I'm going to demand that we watch it together."
"I'm not an old lady! I heard that!"
"She wears a buckskin dress."
'The beast dog didn't prevent you from doing so this time, eh?"
"That's our Elisa method."
"Your face changed. It started to look like mine."
"Don't touch me there, man."
"I'm sorry I ruined your wedding."
"My dream self was out of control this week."
"Can we get tattoos that say, 'Rest?'"
"Me and socks, we're a hot mess."
"What happened to your hair?"
"Everyone's running around, telling me I'm a fire hazard."
"Laugh too hard you cry. That's why I don't laugh, go 'hoo!'"
"I don't know where to buy powdered coyote pee."
"I'm glad, cause the Indiana guy seemed mad."
"Don't you know not to touch a black lady's hair?"
"What if the leaves from the tree of life tasted like meat?"
"I really wanted to write you guys a note."
"...because you're more Christian..."
"You're welcome!"
Would you want a naked woman on your coffee table? You would not!"
"Have you ever thought you would make a good Baptist?"
"That'll be a good way to celebrate."
"Sorry for hitting you in my eye."
"Is there an art emergency? What's going on?"
"Krista, can you say, 'Put a candle on it.?'"
February:
"Roller coaster, get out of my way!"
"That's where your personality comes from."
"You don't have to make a pouty face about it. Do it again."
"I like WARM better than HOT. Are you surprised? Are you shocked??"
"Where were you when Kennedy was shot?"
"I was sticking with what you told me which was the end of February...2023."
"Put a candle on the birthday cake."
"I'll take all your caffeine."
"Kinda shy."
"I loved my night terrors when I was a little kid."
"Ready for any write-in quotes. I can cast my quote from abroad."
"Elisha needs a sticker thing.:
"They're laughing. It bothers me."
"I thought I was getting a rice cooker for Valentines Day, but turns out I also got myself a new car battery! Who says romance is dead?"
"I guess I'll call Ghost Busters."
"I freaking love pho!"
"Let's take away the joy marks."
"How imperfect do they come??"
"On that note, I got an email from the Queen of Nigeria..."
"That's Krista's mascot!"
"These include titles like 'Sweeping the Floor for the Glory of the Lord' and "Poo Poo in the Pantalones."
"No! Don't eat my ear! If you're hungry, open the freezer, get ice cream!"
"If it was at all possible, I'd bring a house."
"I have a little poppy seed..."
"I have a knack for it..."
March:
"She's falling out of her chair! It's ok, it hasn't been an hour yet."
"My idea of social hour is open gym."
"How much do they suck?"
"I collect birthdays."
"Anyone know who's up next week for eating?"
"There's a lot of mountains here, aren't there?"
"I was calling her bluff."
"We want to love each other from different houses."
"You can shine it anywhere you want..."
"I strongly advise you stick with Tabitha!"
"There you have it, the digestive system is actually controlled by the heart by way of a tiny elevator!"
"Kenji, Kenji, stop dying!"
"Stop doing your work."
"She was itching..."
"That's the catch. It isn't free."
"Bad hair, good night."
"Can you imagine a book titled, 'Your Worst Life Soon?'"
"How do you spell unjudgmental?"
"It's just your knees are kinda dominating everything."
"I don't do that anymore."
"Right-O!"
"Do I look fat?"
April:
"Super fun!"
"I think of you every time I see a body part."
"Tell her I say thanks a lot."
"If Sandie's anal, what are you?"
"That's how they do weddings. That's how they do everything."
"Oh, I see you're wearing clothes."
"She's totally a Gordon."
"Is a soul a body part?"
"Well, I just can't stand that guy - Carter!"
"I think you should just wave a Solavei phone over your throat and miracles will happen!"
"A tv? No, I'd shoot myself."
"..and he broke the magic mop!"
"It went straight to my soul!"
"I took my JACKET off!"
May:
Sadly, no quotes recorded
June:
"When will Garrett be ready for you?"
"That was a joke. I don't have a vomit category."
"You look so much older!"
"You shouldn't speak to me for at least a week."
"Ursula LOVES Ariel...yes she does!!"
"Valley Christian High School is redoing our sanctuary. We didn't even ask them to!"
"It's the end caps that'll get you..."
"Wouldn't that be your LEAST memorable amusement park ride?"
"I will see a chair in Pennsylvania."
"You're causing turmoil in my life, Krista."
"When will I have margaritas with Dad?"
"I do think huts, though."
"He said he would poop today for my birthday."
July:
"My new number is...Call me...unless you are a serial killer, then send me a text."
"I TRIED to ask her nicely!"
"She's watching a movie, Jen."
August:
"Krista likes me!"
"This building makes some really weird noises."
"So you're going to be...30?"
"I thought you said pick you up at Carmen!"
"That's what that city's all about...besides violence and gangs."
September:
"How's my Jan Brewer shirt looks...do you get me only Jan? What's Jan Brewer is? I need to sing about her...can I call her?"
"You KNEW it was awkward."
"Krista, let's put some coffee in you."
"I was jonesing to buy wipes."
October:
"Emily carries a frog baby!"
"This isn't where a 60-year-old comes to read the paper!"
November:
"Yes, I know you are just around the corner, but I'm feeling lazy and not very social. Actually, I'm really upset that 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer' is being aired tomorrow, two days before Thanksgiving. It's wrong!"
"Don't forget the coffee shops you keep in business."
"You have a cousin on your foot."
"I wonder to myself, 'Did I scream?"
December
"I said I didn't know, mostly to avoid a really long conversation."
"It's in our genes to take a shower every day."
"He sings you know! Ask him to sign a few bars of Maria from West Side Story!"
"That's urban chic!"
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
2012 Overview
The quote-of-the-day tradition was abandoned for 2011, and came back in 2012 in modified form. I'm not quite so diligent about getting a quote every day as I once was, but occasionally I have some pretty good runs. I'm also not including names anymore, as there have been some privacy concerns over the years. I happen to think the quotes are much funnier when you know who said them, so if you'd like to claim credit for one, let me know and I'll add it in. :-) Here are the quotes I collected this year:
January:
"That's chapstick. We don't put that on your butt."
"You both saved my sanity, for now."
"They did say at Petsmart that you cannot order gerbils online."
"I don't glow, though. I have, like, a rash..."
"In my fictitious wedding I might be a bridezilla."
"I don't eat anything with tentacles."
"What am I doing with the meat? Putting it in a pot is called what?"
"Cassidy is one of the 16 who's causing problems."
"I spoke passionately and smiled a lot and tried not to show my tongue ring."
"It's like pink central in here right now."
"Tents, like you said..."
"Great question. According to Wikipedia, James Thurston "Jim" Nabors (born June 12th, 1930) is an American actor and singer..."
"Tomorrow's February, so today I took down my Christmas tree."
February:
"I won't have sex with you til you sell that truck!"
"Better now than when I'm calling you to repentance."
"You can't just give a little crack baby back to the pound."
"Krista, where is your whistle? Your whistle is..."
"I want to go to Krista's apartment! Krista's apartment is too far..."
"I wish she'd just pee on it."
"You're my best friend today."
"Turtles. Krista had turtles."
"Jake, just scope Matt!"
"Baby, baby, baby."
"Congratulations on making 8/9 of a baby...actually..."
March:
"We both have hair!"
"What state are you from?"
"You simultaneously accomplished two feats I've always wanted to do: catch a duck and fly."
"I am so weirded out right now."
"I hope I go, even just to witness it."
"I curse you with no knees!"
"I still have my white card."
April:
"WHERE is KRISTA?"
"PS: I got so sunburned on just my right arm."
"Man, I wish I had their digestive system."
"You make a baby and everyone loves it!"
"Bobby Plummer???"
May:
sadly, no quotes recorded...
June:
sadly, no quotes recorded...
July:
"We must be the same race or something."
"Why did it take me leaving the state for a good storm to finally come?"
"Dre, you live here, and people are ok with it!"
"...except maybe this really cute boy who I met once who totally ignored me and liked my friend, and I feel like if I go he is gonna be creeped out and think I'm stalking him."
"Talking about shoe sizes?"
"I like Roman names."
"You're beautiful for your age."
"I'm sexy and I know it."
"That's two of the least Asian people I know shopping at the most Asian place in Arizona."
"Since you guys brought up Luke..."
"They're in a band...I dont' know what they're doing now."
"You're my sweet strawberry Minnesota friend."
"What's that smell? Peaches?"
"Wear a dress! I'm tired of you looking like that!"
"I like music. I like whirling your hair around, too."
"Our family song would be bluegrass."
"But I have a lion head, and he doesn't."
"I don't know either - I heard that all those health care problems were solved."
"I was reading about Samson, and he could really use Proverbs, especially chapter 5."
August:
"I woulda done gone home by now."
"I'm a teaser!"
"Are you kidding me?"
"Triple WHAT?"
"I don't always turn water into wine...but when I do, it's delicious."
"Half of the book of Genesis is like the Jerry Springer show."
"Really, the only proper way to eat pizza is with your hands."
"You guys wanna play some Michigan?"
"But it's been 13 years since I was there. Can you believe that? I'm so old."
"I like living in the past, too, Josh."
"I'll buy my soft drink."
"Joe is a pretty agreeable guy. I don't think I've ever seen Joe disagree with anything, except eating gluten."
"Nothing says 'I haven't seen you in awhile' like a haboob." - Danielle Juengel
"Krista, nothing says waking up at 3am like a skunk." - Danielle Juengel
"I'm picking Shawna up, by her heels if need be this time, so she can't poop out."
September:
sadly, no quotes recorded
October:
sadly, no quotes recorded
November:
"Kenji, you have to stop liking bugs so much, or you'll die by killer bee when you're only 18."
"When I was 21, I thought I was ready to get married. That would have been terrible for any girl."
December:
"The Lord needs to work on my brain, you hear me? It's about gone cuckoo on me. I need a new brain. Yep, I've had this brain too long, I need a new one."
"Should I call your cell phone while you are handing over the award?"
"Someone needs to check on this lady, she's having problems."
"I just tell my group leader it makes it fresh. I used that in high school, too."
"Emily and I went through a couple probably inappropriate weeks where we just named and claimed everything."
"You have to know your audience."
"I'm in the lobby with jam."
"I'm waiting for Arielle to get fun."
"Sell it all on Ebay and we'll get that building we've been wanting..."
January:
"That's chapstick. We don't put that on your butt."
"You both saved my sanity, for now."
"They did say at Petsmart that you cannot order gerbils online."
"I don't glow, though. I have, like, a rash..."
"In my fictitious wedding I might be a bridezilla."
"I don't eat anything with tentacles."
"What am I doing with the meat? Putting it in a pot is called what?"
"Cassidy is one of the 16 who's causing problems."
"I spoke passionately and smiled a lot and tried not to show my tongue ring."
"It's like pink central in here right now."
"Tents, like you said..."
"Great question. According to Wikipedia, James Thurston "Jim" Nabors (born June 12th, 1930) is an American actor and singer..."
"Tomorrow's February, so today I took down my Christmas tree."
February:
"I won't have sex with you til you sell that truck!"
"Better now than when I'm calling you to repentance."
"You can't just give a little crack baby back to the pound."
"Krista, where is your whistle? Your whistle is..."
"I want to go to Krista's apartment! Krista's apartment is too far..."
"I wish she'd just pee on it."
"You're my best friend today."
"Turtles. Krista had turtles."
"Jake, just scope Matt!"
"Baby, baby, baby."
"Congratulations on making 8/9 of a baby...actually..."
March:
"We both have hair!"
"What state are you from?"
"You simultaneously accomplished two feats I've always wanted to do: catch a duck and fly."
"I am so weirded out right now."
"I hope I go, even just to witness it."
"I curse you with no knees!"
"I still have my white card."
April:
"WHERE is KRISTA?"
"PS: I got so sunburned on just my right arm."
"Man, I wish I had their digestive system."
"You make a baby and everyone loves it!"
"Bobby Plummer???"
May:
sadly, no quotes recorded...
June:
sadly, no quotes recorded...
July:
"We must be the same race or something."
"Why did it take me leaving the state for a good storm to finally come?"
"Dre, you live here, and people are ok with it!"
"...except maybe this really cute boy who I met once who totally ignored me and liked my friend, and I feel like if I go he is gonna be creeped out and think I'm stalking him."
"Talking about shoe sizes?"
"I like Roman names."
"You're beautiful for your age."
"I'm sexy and I know it."
"That's two of the least Asian people I know shopping at the most Asian place in Arizona."
"Since you guys brought up Luke..."
"They're in a band...I dont' know what they're doing now."
"You're my sweet strawberry Minnesota friend."
"What's that smell? Peaches?"
"Wear a dress! I'm tired of you looking like that!"
"I like music. I like whirling your hair around, too."
"Our family song would be bluegrass."
"But I have a lion head, and he doesn't."
"I don't know either - I heard that all those health care problems were solved."
"I was reading about Samson, and he could really use Proverbs, especially chapter 5."
August:
"I woulda done gone home by now."
"I'm a teaser!"
"Are you kidding me?"
"Triple WHAT?"
"I don't always turn water into wine...but when I do, it's delicious."
"Half of the book of Genesis is like the Jerry Springer show."
"Really, the only proper way to eat pizza is with your hands."
"You guys wanna play some Michigan?"
"But it's been 13 years since I was there. Can you believe that? I'm so old."
"I like living in the past, too, Josh."
"I'll buy my soft drink."
"Joe is a pretty agreeable guy. I don't think I've ever seen Joe disagree with anything, except eating gluten."
"Nothing says 'I haven't seen you in awhile' like a haboob." - Danielle Juengel
"Krista, nothing says waking up at 3am like a skunk." - Danielle Juengel
"I'm picking Shawna up, by her heels if need be this time, so she can't poop out."
September:
sadly, no quotes recorded
October:
sadly, no quotes recorded
November:
"Kenji, you have to stop liking bugs so much, or you'll die by killer bee when you're only 18."
"When I was 21, I thought I was ready to get married. That would have been terrible for any girl."
December:
"The Lord needs to work on my brain, you hear me? It's about gone cuckoo on me. I need a new brain. Yep, I've had this brain too long, I need a new one."
"Should I call your cell phone while you are handing over the award?"
"Someone needs to check on this lady, she's having problems."
"I just tell my group leader it makes it fresh. I used that in high school, too."
"Emily and I went through a couple probably inappropriate weeks where we just named and claimed everything."
"You have to know your audience."
"I'm in the lobby with jam."
"I'm waiting for Arielle to get fun."
"Sell it all on Ebay and we'll get that building we've been wanting..."
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Sunday, August 1st - Saturday, August 7th, 2010
"We've prayed in many rooms, but never the visitor's locker room." - Kendra Evans
"If we take it out at any other time, it will blow up." - Hillsong
"That's usually how I start it. I had a dream that my brother was ice cream." - Cassidy Thompson
"And as a bonus, call within the next 20 minutes and we'll send you 'Power Ballads of the 80's' absolutely free, just pay shipping and handling. Act Now!" - Ethan Rode
"Elianna is all about efficiency: she's sitting on the toilet right now reviewing her flash cards." -Jacob/Kiki Hantla
"Arty is Party without the P." - Megan Jeffery
"For as often as we talk about how dumb Kris...I mean, Mochi is..." - Karin Hetsler
"If we take it out at any other time, it will blow up." - Hillsong
"That's usually how I start it. I had a dream that my brother was ice cream." - Cassidy Thompson
"And as a bonus, call within the next 20 minutes and we'll send you 'Power Ballads of the 80's' absolutely free, just pay shipping and handling. Act Now!" - Ethan Rode
"Elianna is all about efficiency: she's sitting on the toilet right now reviewing her flash cards." -Jacob/Kiki Hantla
"Arty is Party without the P." - Megan Jeffery
"For as often as we talk about how dumb Kris...I mean, Mochi is..." - Karin Hetsler
Sunday, July 25th- Saturday, July 31st, 2010
I'm currently missing January to July quotes from 2010 - probably in a box somewhere, which is unfortunate. But I decided to at least post a few quotes tonight while my laundry finishes, since it's literally been almost a year...
"We're gonna tell the kids to shit..." - Max Pietropaulo
"If I'm not having a baby..." - Cameron Dodd
"Milk-white. That's how I described you in what I wrote about you once. I can't describe Krista as milk-white anymore." - Bernadette Peralta
"Puddle, Toni, puddle! And we'll blame it on Mochi." - Karin Hetsler
"Where did you get Krista?" - Anna
"I love it when Krista says hello to herself." - Grace
"It IS fog! I saw it, we're in a cloud!" - Katie Stall
"We're gonna tell the kids to shit..." - Max Pietropaulo
"If I'm not having a baby..." - Cameron Dodd
"Milk-white. That's how I described you in what I wrote about you once. I can't describe Krista as milk-white anymore." - Bernadette Peralta
"Puddle, Toni, puddle! And we'll blame it on Mochi." - Karin Hetsler
"Where did you get Krista?" - Anna
"I love it when Krista says hello to herself." - Grace
"It IS fog! I saw it, we're in a cloud!" - Katie Stall
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Sunday, December 27th, 2009 - Saturday, January 2nd, 2010
"If I jump on you, will that help the situation?" - Emily Johnson
"I always hate always statements." - Christine Waldersen
"This model has a man face but big boobs. That's why she's here." - Emily Johnson
"Happy Birthday, Krista!" - Casey
"She's Asian. You have to know her." - Garrett Shimata
"Ricola..." - Zach Makawi
"I'm not a girl. He doesn't know that yet." - Emily Johnson
"I always hate always statements." - Christine Waldersen
"This model has a man face but big boobs. That's why she's here." - Emily Johnson
"Happy Birthday, Krista!" - Casey
"She's Asian. You have to know her." - Garrett Shimata
"Ricola..." - Zach Makawi
"I'm not a girl. He doesn't know that yet." - Emily Johnson
Sunday, December 20th - Saturday, December 26th, 2009
"I don't wanna be responsible for killing you. That wouldn't be shepherding your heart." - Garrett Shimata
"I can put them in shirts and make them pop out." - Emily Johnson
"I think I speak for Matt and I when I say we hope Jesus comes back before we actually hve to teach about Jesus coming back." - John McCoy
"He was like, if I can't get a lady, I will not eat. And then he died." - Kendra Evans
"Should I beat my wife?" - Brian Wortley
"If I was gonna buy a girl a bottle of Vodka..." - Garrett Shimata
"She's backed into an Asian corner." - Emily Johnson
"I can put them in shirts and make them pop out." - Emily Johnson
"I think I speak for Matt and I when I say we hope Jesus comes back before we actually hve to teach about Jesus coming back." - John McCoy
"He was like, if I can't get a lady, I will not eat. And then he died." - Kendra Evans
"Should I beat my wife?" - Brian Wortley
"If I was gonna buy a girl a bottle of Vodka..." - Garrett Shimata
"She's backed into an Asian corner." - Emily Johnson
Sunday, December 13th - Saturday, December 19th, 2009
"Do you separate heads from bodies very often? That's usually not a good thing to do." - Scott Maxwell
"One's about spiritual maturity and growth. The other's about cuteness." - Garrett Shimata
"I don't mind being around naked people. I just don't want to gaze at them." - Kelsey Jones
"But I'll be in and out. Just enough time for the bosom." - Kendra Evans
"My hands are too big for my face." - Amanda Wolfard
"I don't think brownies are AS good as God is good, but still pretty good." - Emily Johnson
"When we first kissed, he was a Canadian and I was Sarah Palin." - Amanda Keim
"One's about spiritual maturity and growth. The other's about cuteness." - Garrett Shimata
"I don't mind being around naked people. I just don't want to gaze at them." - Kelsey Jones
"But I'll be in and out. Just enough time for the bosom." - Kendra Evans
"My hands are too big for my face." - Amanda Wolfard
"I don't think brownies are AS good as God is good, but still pretty good." - Emily Johnson
"When we first kissed, he was a Canadian and I was Sarah Palin." - Amanda Keim
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