2012 Overview

The quote-of-the-day tradition was abandoned for 2011, and came back in 2012 in modified form.  I'm not quite so diligent about getting a quote every day as I once was, but occasionally I have some pretty good runs.  I'm also not including names anymore, as there have been some privacy concerns over the years.  I happen to think the quotes are much funnier when you know who said them, so if you'd like to claim credit for one, let me know and I'll add it in. :-)  Here are the quotes I collected this year:

January:

"That's chapstick.  We don't put that on your butt."
"You both saved my sanity, for now."
"They did say at Petsmart that you cannot order gerbils online."
"I don't glow, though.  I have, like, a rash..."
"In my fictitious wedding I might be a bridezilla."
"I don't eat anything with tentacles."
"What am I doing with the meat?  Putting it in a pot is called what?"
"Cassidy is one of the 16 who's causing problems."
"I spoke passionately and smiled a lot and tried not to show my tongue ring."
"It's like pink central in here right now."
"Tents, like you said..."
"Great question.  According to Wikipedia, James Thurston "Jim" Nabors (born June 12th, 1930) is an American actor and singer..."
"Tomorrow's February, so today I took down my Christmas tree."

February:

"I won't have sex with you til you sell that truck!"
"Better now than when I'm calling you to repentance."
"You can't just give a little crack baby back to the pound."
"Krista, where is your whistle?  Your whistle is..."
"I want to go to Krista's apartment!  Krista's apartment is too far..."
"I wish she'd just pee on it."
"You're my best friend today."
"Turtles.  Krista had turtles."
"Jake, just scope Matt!"
"Baby, baby, baby."
"Congratulations on making 8/9 of a baby...actually..."

March:

"We both have hair!"
"What state are you from?"
"You simultaneously accomplished two feats I've always wanted to do: catch a duck and fly."
"I am so weirded out right now."
"I hope I go, even just to witness it."
"I curse you with no knees!"
"I still have my white card."

April:

"WHERE is KRISTA?"
"PS: I got so sunburned on just my right arm."
"Man, I wish I had their digestive system."
"You make a baby and everyone loves it!"
"Bobby Plummer???"

May:

sadly, no quotes recorded...

June:

sadly, no quotes recorded...

July:

"We must be the same race or something."
"Why did it take me leaving the state for a good storm to finally come?"
"Dre, you live here, and people are ok with it!"
"...except maybe this really cute boy who I met once who totally ignored me and liked my friend, and I feel like if I go he is gonna be creeped out and think I'm stalking him."
"Talking about shoe sizes?"
"I like Roman names."
"You're beautiful for your age."
"I'm sexy and I know it."
"That's two of the least Asian people I know shopping at the most Asian place in Arizona."
"Since you guys brought up Luke..."
"They're in a band...I dont' know what they're doing now."
"You're my sweet strawberry Minnesota friend."
"What's that smell?  Peaches?"
"Wear a dress!  I'm tired of you looking like that!"
"I like music.  I like whirling your hair around, too."
"Our family song would be bluegrass."
"But I have a lion head, and he doesn't."
"I don't know either - I heard that all those health care problems were solved."
"I was reading about Samson, and he could really use Proverbs, especially chapter 5."

August:

"I woulda done gone home by now."
"I'm a teaser!"
"Are you kidding me?"
"Triple WHAT?"
"I don't always turn water into wine...but when I do, it's delicious."
"Half of the book of Genesis is like the Jerry Springer show."
"Really, the only proper way to eat pizza is with your hands."
"You guys wanna play some Michigan?"
"But it's been 13 years since I was there.  Can you believe that?  I'm so old."
"I like living in the past, too, Josh."
"I'll buy my soft drink."
"Joe is a pretty agreeable guy.  I don't think I've ever seen Joe disagree with anything, except eating gluten."
"Nothing says 'I haven't seen you in awhile' like a haboob." - Danielle Juengel
"Krista, nothing says waking up at 3am like a skunk." - Danielle Juengel
"I'm picking Shawna up, by her heels if need be this time, so she can't poop out."

September:

sadly, no quotes recorded

October:

sadly, no quotes recorded

November:

"Kenji, you have to stop liking bugs so much, or you'll die by killer bee when you're only 18."
"When I was 21, I thought I was ready to get married.  That would have been terrible for any girl."

December:

"The Lord needs to work on my brain, you hear me?  It's about gone cuckoo on me.  I need a new brain.  Yep, I've had this brain too long, I need a new one."
"Should I call your cell phone while you are handing over the award?"
"Someone needs to check on this lady, she's having problems."
"I just tell my group leader it makes it fresh.  I used that in high school, too."
"Emily and I went through a couple probably inappropriate weeks where we just named and claimed everything."
"You have to know your audience."
"I'm in the lobby with jam."
"I'm waiting for Arielle to get fun."
"Sell it all on Ebay and we'll get that building we've been wanting..."

Sunday, August 1st - Saturday, August 7th, 2010

"We've prayed in many rooms, but never the visitor's locker room." - Kendra Evans

"If we take it out at any other time, it will blow up." - Hillsong

"That's usually how I start it. I had a dream that my brother was ice cream." - Cassidy Thompson

"And as a bonus, call within the next 20 minutes and we'll send you 'Power Ballads of the 80's' absolutely free, just pay shipping and handling. Act Now!" - Ethan Rode

"Elianna is all about efficiency: she's sitting on the toilet right now reviewing her flash cards." -Jacob/Kiki Hantla

"Arty is Party without the P." - Megan Jeffery

"For as often as we talk about how dumb Kris...I mean, Mochi is..." - Karin Hetsler

Sunday, July 25th- Saturday, July 31st, 2010

I'm currently missing January to July quotes from 2010 - probably in a box somewhere, which is unfortunate. But I decided to at least post a few quotes tonight while my laundry finishes, since it's literally been almost a year...

"We're gonna tell the kids to shit..." - Max Pietropaulo

"If I'm not having a baby..." - Cameron Dodd

"Milk-white. That's how I described you in what I wrote about you once. I can't describe Krista as milk-white anymore." - Bernadette Peralta

"Puddle, Toni, puddle! And we'll blame it on Mochi." - Karin Hetsler

"Where did you get Krista?" - Anna

"I love it when Krista says hello to herself." - Grace

"It IS fog! I saw it, we're in a cloud!" - Katie Stall

Sunday, December 27th, 2009 - Saturday, January 2nd, 2010

"If I jump on you, will that help the situation?" - Emily Johnson

"I always hate always statements." - Christine Waldersen

"This model has a man face but big boobs. That's why she's here." - Emily Johnson

"Happy Birthday, Krista!" - Casey

"She's Asian. You have to know her." - Garrett Shimata

"Ricola..." - Zach Makawi

"I'm not a girl. He doesn't know that yet." - Emily Johnson

Sunday, December 20th - Saturday, December 26th, 2009

"I don't wanna be responsible for killing you. That wouldn't be shepherding your heart." - Garrett Shimata

"I can put them in shirts and make them pop out." - Emily Johnson

"I think I speak for Matt and I when I say we hope Jesus comes back before we actually hve to teach about Jesus coming back." - John McCoy

"He was like, if I can't get a lady, I will not eat. And then he died." - Kendra Evans

"Should I beat my wife?" - Brian Wortley

"If I was gonna buy a girl a bottle of Vodka..." - Garrett Shimata

"She's backed into an Asian corner." - Emily Johnson

Sunday, December 13th - Saturday, December 19th, 2009

"Do you separate heads from bodies very often? That's usually not a good thing to do." - Scott Maxwell

"One's about spiritual maturity and growth. The other's about cuteness." - Garrett Shimata

"I don't mind being around naked people. I just don't want to gaze at them." - Kelsey Jones

"But I'll be in and out. Just enough time for the bosom." - Kendra Evans

"My hands are too big for my face." - Amanda Wolfard

"I don't think brownies are AS good as God is good, but still pretty good." - Emily Johnson

"When we first kissed, he was a Canadian and I was Sarah Palin." - Amanda Keim

Sunday, December 6th - Saturday, December 12th, 2009

"I can't judge John MacArthur, cause that would send me straight to hell." - Melina Hunt

"I don't have to think about how to love a wife right now." - Emily Johnson

"Praying for you, that your day be filled with less bodily fluids and more joy and peace." - Garrett Shimata

"Witty-titty." - Leslie

"I care more about my apple than my mouth." - Karin Hetsler

"Speaking of Christmas, my dad's having hip replacement surgery." - Danielle Juengel

"He wants to give you a double portion, because he loves you more than his other wives." - Cassidy Thompson